lesley crewe


Mall behaviour

on September 29, 2012

Anytime you want to see human nature at its best and its worst, be a writer and sit behind a table for two hours waiting for fresh bait to mosey along and buy your book. If you want to attract any attention at all, you either set yourself on fire or keep your head up. This is how I know what I know.

Parents will threaten children with every conceivable fun thing in the universe that their kids WON’T be doing if they don’t stop whining, crying, or hitting their sibling.

“Do you want me to buy you that video game or not? Because right now mister, I’m tempted to turn around and go back to the car!”

“I’m taking away your blankie….are you happy now?”  If the child could talk I’m sure she’d say no.

One mom pulled her five year old along, saying that he’d be the only one on the street who didn’t get a visit from Santa. “Is that what you want? Are you okay with that? No Santa?!”

If you’re going to do something, don’t ask the kid’s opinion. Just do it.

The other pathetic sight is watching men whose wives have left them for a ‘moment’ to run into a store. These poor bastards start off alright, looking at the manniquins in the display windows of the outlets flanking the chosen one, but he soon tires of that and paces. Once that becomes boring, he looks around for a seat. Now he becomes a hunter, trying to find a bench that doesn’t have a scruffy looking couple with tattoos sitting on it, feeling each other up. The more disgraceful the behavior of the horny twosome, the more shit the wife gets when she emerges with her trophy bag.

She starts to excitedly tell him what she purchased and instantly the husband starts yapping at her about making him wait. She tells him to piss off or words to that effect and walks away in a huff. Thereupon he sulkily follows her….kind of like those kids we were just talking about.

But the nicest thing I ever saw happened at the Halifax Shopping Centre on this last round of signings.  A very trim, erect older woman in jeans was browsing at the sale table, but I could tell she was only using it as an excuse to look around. When she wandered closer, we had a nice chat and then she told me she seemed to have lost her husband. I asked for his description and said I’d keep an eye out. We both laughed.

As she’s moving off, heading in the other direction, I see a older man pick up his pace and try to follow her. I know he’s her husband, because he looks like he could go for a hike or swim across a lake…healthy, active and full of energy.

It’s when he tapped her on the shoulder and she turned around that the magic began. They laughed and smiled at discovering each other again, holding onto one another’s arms. They stood so close together I thought they were going to kiss, but they had what looked like a delightful conversation about where they might go next, or should they stop for lunch?

Honest to God I thought they were newlyweds, which in this and age could be quite possible….maybe on their honeymoon off one of the visiting cruise ships. When they passed my table, she smiled and said she’d found him.

I took a chance. “I hope you don’t think this a forward question, but how long have you been married?”

“Fifty-seven years,” he piped up.

I told them they were lucky.

She said, “I know.”

12 responses to “Mall behaviour

  1. Diane says:

    Stop. You almost made me cry. We all hope to find a relationship like that but sadly most of us live without.

    I’ve also been entertained by mothers giving empty threats to kids. It always makes me laugh. What a silly society we’ve become.

    Thanks for sharing your amusing observations.

  2. You brought tears to my eyes with this–I had exactly that type of relationship with my childhood sweetheart and we were married for over 37 years when he was taken from me very suddenly by a cancer we didn’t know he had….stories like this do make me cry for what I am missing, but I am at the same time grateful for what I had for so long, knowing that some people never get to experience a love like that.
    PS–do I dare mention that you are using the wrong form of ‘it’s’ in the opening of your post…sorry about that, but those things always catch my attention. 🙂

  3. Hahaha. Funny things happen in malls. I think a lot of people make people-watching trips there.
    Love the last story. 🙂
    You had a signing when I’m back in The Bahamas. Blaaah! When I’m back in Halifax (for my wedding in Aug. 2013), I’ll have to find out if you’re in the area. I LOVE your books. bought Shoot Me, and was completely hooked.

  4. Cynthia says:

    I loved this, a
    very special exchange you witnessed.

  5. lesley crewe says:

    […] 10 COMMENTS » SEP11 […]

  6. lesley crewe says:

    […] 11 COMMENTS » SEP11 […]

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