lesley crewe

author

Someone call 911!!!!

on April 20, 2011

My daughter and I talk on the phone several times a day. She lives away and this is how we connect since I have no idea how to text. She refuses to show me how, saying the migraine she’d get trying to explain new technology to me wouldn’t be worth it.

So basically she’s to blame for this morning.

We’re on our first phone call of the day. The phone rings and before I say hello she says, call me back…. in other words, I’m paying for it. We’re chatting about nothing while I’m sucking on my morning smoothie.

My husband is downstairs doing or fixing or measuring something. I suddenly hear this weird frantic thumping. It sounds like he fell down the stairs or off a ladder, so I yell, “ARE YOU ALRIGHT??” “ARE YOU ALRIGHT?? Then there was yelling and cats flying down the hall and running up the stairs. I now scream “WHAT’S WRONG??” and “OMG, WHAT HAPPENED??” Then I screech at Sarah, “I HAVE TO HANG UP!!!!! and I do.

Turns out he lifted the cover off the sump pipe in the basement at the bottom of our stairs and as he lifted it, a squirrel jumped out at him and landed on his chest, then flew over his head and up the stairs with our fat cat chasing it and our scaredy cat running the other way to hide in the rafters with his tail five times its normal size.

John starts yelling at me to get the cat, close the bedroom doors, open the front door and back door while he chased the squirrel around the living room. “I CAN’T DO EVERYTHING AT ONCE!!” I had to get the cat first because they’re indoor cats and with both doors open I didn’t ‘want them to escape.

“HE’S COMING YOUR WAY! HEAD HIM OFF AT THE HALL!  NO! THE KITCHEN! WHERE IS HE? OH THERE HE IS. HE’S RUNNING BY MY FEET.”

It did run out the door only about a minte after the whole episode started. We closed the doors, opened the bedroom doors, laughed at the cats, one of whom as thrilled with this excitement and the other who nearly passed out.

So I call Sarah back. She answers the phone with an “OMG!!! ARE YOU GUYS ALRIGHT??? WHAT HAPPENED?? DID SOMEONE BREAK IN?? IS DADDY OKAY?!!!!!

“A squirrel got in the house.”

“I THOUGHT YOU WERE BEING MURDERED!!!!!!!!!!!! MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!DON’T EVER HANG UP LIKE THAT AGAIN!!! YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!!!!!!!!

Now if I had been texting her, she’d never have known a thing.

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4 responses to “Someone call 911!!!!

  1. Mellita says:

    OMG Lesley!!!! This is hilarious!! I can see the two of you and the two cats running around like crazy while Sarah, poor girl, is freaking out thinking THE worst!
    by the way……….my kids are in their beds thinking I am crazy sitting here all by myself laughing at the computer.

  2. lesleycrewe says:

    Your kids think you’re crazy anyway. Don’t bring me into it! 🙂

  3. LMAO!! I suggest going to your phone company and asking them to teach you how to text. You’ll be amazed at how easy it is AND avoid such drama in your household.

    So glad everyone, cats included, are all right.

  4. Crystal says:

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