lesley crewe

author

Housework

on February 8, 2011

You know what’s more tiring than housework? Avoiding housework.

The guilt and shame weigh heavily on your mind, but not so heavy that you don’t ignore things for yet another day. And then it becomes a challenge. Can I NOT do anything for another three days? Can I make it another week?

There are a few shortcuts to make it look like you’re cleaning all the time, when you really aren’t. The biggest one is keeping the bathroom clean. A swipe here, a brush there, a quick sweep and it’s done. When your bathroom looks clean, people are impressed.  Thank god bathrooms are the smallest room in the house. Five minutes and it’s over.

The other trick is to sweep the stairs and front porch, shake a few mats and that’s it. Then you can move on to the kitchen. Make sure everything is in the dishwasher and not on the counter.

Dust the one big piece of furniture you have. I usually slide the cat over it.

Spray some Febreeze around for freshness. Replace your pillowcases on the bed in case someone snoops in your bedroom. Take a lint roller to all the cats favourite places to sleep. Put fresh fruit in a bowl on the counter or table.

Shake pillows and throw clothes in the hamper. Now light a cinnamon candle.

Then sit back and try not to think of the pulsing dirt and chaos that lurks in closets and kitchen drawers. This is the hard part because you know its there. A steely resovlve is needed now. Stop hearing your mother’s voice in your head about your slovenly habits. Repeat the mantra “Life is too short to vacuum.”  

It takes a lot of willpower to be lazy. I used to jump up from the couch when my family came through the door, and pretend I’d been working all day. Now that we’re “retired”, I don’t give a damn anymore. The kids are gone, so I don’t have to set a good example.

And if you really start to feel guilty, watch the show Hoarders. It gives you the smug satisfaction that your house is a pristine palace compared to the houses these poor souls live in.

Know that you are a worthwhile person whether your floor has been Swiffered or not.

And remember that cleanliness is next to….impossible.

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One response to “Housework

  1. Marion Mitchell says:

    Y0u funny, funny girl!

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