lesley crewe

author

SHAMPOOEY

on November 12, 2010

I had the misfortune of running out of shampoo the other day. I haven’t bought any in years. I’ve been using all the half empty bottles of shampoo my daughter left in the bathroom when she moved to Halifax with her boyfriend two years ago.

I had a few other things to get at Walmart so I decided to pick up my shampoo there.

I nearly died. The shampoo aisle was fifty feet long and twelve feet high. I was mesmerized by the choices available. I stood there for a good minute before I summoned up the courage to move my feet. What awaited me confirmed my belief that the world has gone mad.

We had two choices of shampoo when I was growing up. One for normal hair and one for oily hair. No, I lie. We also had Head & Shoulders. Now there are shampoos for every conceivable state of your hair….straight hair, curly hair, thin hair, coloured hair, frizzy hair, flaked hair, limp hair, stressed hair, depressed hair.

That’s bad enough, but now the labels are so specific, it takes a good fifteen seconds to read the small print….Flat to Full, Thin to Thick, Frizz to Bounce, Curly to Smooth, Colour Blonde/Brunette/Redhead, Colour Grey, Colour Mousey, Colourless….the list goes on and on.

I’m fifty-five years old. I can’t think anymore. I live in a menopausal fog bank. Put me in front of 6,000 bottles of shampoo and I freeze. What do I want? What should I choose? What’s my name? Where did I put the car keys because I need to leave.   

I paced up and down with my cart for fifteen minutes. Do I want the really cheap shampoo that costs $2.99 or the latest shampoo sensation from the salons of  New York and Milan, a steal at $24. 99.  

Well, most days my hair is a rat’s nest, so perhaps the $2.99 shampoo wouldn’t be a good idea but I’ll be darned if I’m going to fork over a quarter of a hundred dollars for shampoo.

No wonder my daughter keeps running out of money. Girls her age wash their hair every day, if not twice a day.
We never did that. We walked around with greasy hair and the only product we ever put in it was Dippity-Do.

Life was simple back then.  And guess what? Guys fell all over us anyway. We were groped through high school and university by the opposite sex without the benefit of a shampoo that contained Glossy Protein Green Tea Papaya Almond Vitamin B Moisture Balance Cassia Complex with a blend of Ginger, Calendula and Aloe Vera.

That said, we all know that guys will pretty much grope anything.

Here’s hoping I don’t run out of conditioner in the near future.

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