lesley crewe


Meatless in Seattle and Homeville

on September 10, 2010

I’ve been an almost, pretty gosh darn close vegetarian for a  year now. 

What have I learned?

That there’s a constant need for my loved ones to contradict this fact whenever it happens to come up in polite conversation. Everyone I love apparently keeps score and they like to remind me of my transgressions when company comes.

“You’re not having a hamburger, Lesley?” someone asks at a summer barbeque.

“No thanks. I don’t eat meat,” I murmur.

“You had chicken at Swiss Chalet three weeks ago,” John pipes up. “And a hot dog at the chip wagon last Wednesday.”

“And what about that ham fiasco a few months ago,” my daughter adds. 

Excuse me people. So I’ve had the occasional cheat when circumstances were out of my control, like being made to sit in a chicken restaurant.  What about the other 363 days last year when I put veggies on my pizza instead of pepperoni? When I ate so much salmon I only swam upstream on the beach this summer? When I ate dumbus hummus for weeks on end?

No one seems to remember that!

I’d also like to see them try giving up dairy and wheat at the same time, as well as being menopausal. I think I deserve a stupid medal. I gave up yogurt and cheese for crying out loud! And WHEAT. BREADDDDDD!!!

Oh yeah….and what about the fact that I don’t drink coffee? Can you guys do that? Huh? Huh??

I don’t drink either. I’m Sister Theresa for heaven sake!

So I guess all I’ve learned this past year is to never bring this subject up. Just eat and don’t open your mouth, which is a contradiction in terms, but you know what I mean. Don’t tell anyone anything, otherwise people think you’re bragging and can’t wait to take you down a notch or two.

“If you’re a vegetarian, why are you eating fish?’ “You’re not allowed to eat eggs….didn’t you know that?” “Vegetarian is not as good as being vegan.” “I only eat fruit that has dropped off the tree by itself.” “You’re defeating the purpose if you cook your food. Only raw will do.”

Sigh. You just can’t win.

And God forbid if Ido have a complete breakdown and eat ten pounds of hot wings, you can be sure it will be brought up on my death bed. “Remember the time Mommy, when you single-handedly cleared a barnyard of its feathery occupants.”

I am doing my best! And now I have to go on a book tour and won’t be back home until September 27th!! Do you have any idea how difficult it is to try and be good in hotels and airports and restaurants when you can’t have one friggin’ thing to eat??? I’m not even allowed to chew gum! (long story)

So if you do happen to run into me somewhere in the Maritimes or Ontario this month, and I seem a little cranky…..no flippin’ wonder!

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