lesley crewe

author

New Game

on June 9, 2010

I bought a high end soap dispenser to put by my kitchen sink to deceive the general public into thinking it’s something other than a thing holding dish liquid. It’s very nice. Ceramic. A rich chocolate colour. All I have to do is fill it with Palmolive and I’m good to go.

I was away for a week. When I returned, I noticed John had left the Palmolive dish liquid bottle next to the fancy new dispenser. Oh well, he’s busy and just forgot to put it back under the sink. So I did it for him.

Then he did it again. So I put it back under the sink.

Woke up this morning and the plastic bottle was back beside the dispenser. That was odd. I put it under the sink.

When I got out of the shower and went to put the kettle on, the bottle had reappeared as if by magic.

Okay. Now it’s war.

John and I can have a war without a single word being uttered. I know this because we’ve had an ongoing war with the kitchen cupboard doors for 34 years now. He never closes them.

I do.

Once, he was annoyed at me about something completely irrelevant and I walked into the kitchen to find every cupboard door wide open. He even opened the oven door and the door to the microwave. I countered by closing everything back up with duct tape.

We’ve also had wars over chairs. I like them put back under the table when you are finished sitting on them. John leaves them out. Our house is kinda small. Especially the part where his chair backs into the kitchen wall across the exit to the living room. So when I go by with say, a dish or a meal or tray, I’ve got to put it down on the table and put the chair back because there’s a rug under the table and I can’t just slide it back into place over the wood floor.

One day John used his chair to get up on the kitchen counter to replace a lightbulb or something….I forget. I’m so used to putting back chairs, that I did.

I swear I didn’t see him on the counter. I swear.

He went to step back on the chair and it wasn’t there. He had quite a step. I nearly killed him.

It was his fault. If he put back his chair like a normal person, I wouldn’t have this psychotic need to put them in their proper place.

So now it looks like we’re going to silently feud over this dish liquid problem. The man never stops. He’s a whirling dervish from morning to night, so does he honestly think it’s too much effort to squirt three or four pumps of soap into the sink instead of one steady squeeze from an ugly bottle?

I know he does it just to bug me.

I think it’s clear that I am a reasonable person and he is clearly insane.

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6 responses to “New Game

  1. John says:

    look by the sink.

  2. lesleycrewe says:

    Look under the sink.

  3. karen says:

    You’ve got to take that bottle of Palmolive and hide it some where he won’t find it:) Just remember where you hid it so you can keep refilling your fancy ceramic dispenser:)
    Hopefully problem solved:) LOL

    • lesleycrewe says:

      I already thought of that.

      I hid the bottle and when I walked in the kitchen, he’d found a new bottle and put that one beside the ceramic one, so now I’ve hidden two bottles and will forget where I put them.

      Who says being retired isn’t fun?

  4. Terrilee says:

    Leslie, I was laughing so hard I almost popped a few stitches!

  5. Cathy says:

    You’re such a riot, Leslie. I always enjoy your blog posts and can completely relate.

    My hubby and I play games like that, too. When I go away in the summer to visit my folks in Cape Breton, he takes all my knicknacks (little presents that friends have given me) off the windowsill and squirrels them away into a box. Then when I return, I take them all out again and put them back on the windowsill.

    I know I’m cluttery but that’s just the way I am and he can’t change it. Sigh.

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