lesley crewe

author

Chocolate!!!!!!!!!

on April 20, 2010

I’m a normal (ha) woman who likes chocolate. I’ve never been a chocoholic, but I like a creamy chocolatey anything as much as the next person, but I’m wondering what’s going on lately.

I think it might be hormonal, but than again, I blame everything on hormones, even a rash. Even hiccups.

But lately, it’s like a cocoa puff has taken over my brain. Dark chocolate is my life. Which is very difficult when you’re trying to lose weight. I have to take evasive action, like not buy dark chocolate. That sounds simple, but is it?

 I buy my salmon and my veggies and my fruit and then I avoid all the cereal aisles, the cookie aisles, the cheese aisles, the ice cream aisles and I try very hard to avoid the little chocolate bar section at the end of the aisle at Sobey’s but it’s like an evil voice takes over and says, “Holy crap….you’re not eating anything tasty, ever again! You deserve a square of dark chocolate.” Yeah! I do.

The key words are “a square”. As in 1″x1″x1″x1″…………..not THE WHOLE BAR.

This is the second time this has happened in as many weeks. Shockingly, I’m still losing, but if I keep this up, not for long! I’d just like to know where this sudden impulse is coming from? I weigh and measure everything, but open up a tinfoil Lindt package, and it might as well be crack.

Do any of you other 54 year old women, who are suffering from empty nest, empty pocketbooks, empty lives, empty gas tanks, empty souls, empty creative outlets, empty chocolate bar wrappers finding it hard to stop stuffing your face?

If Dr. Oz were to take me by the hand and berate me in front of a studio audience about my weight and my blood pressure, I’d say, “Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full sir” and run out and get dark chocolate and smear it over myself.

This is not good. I have to go eat the other three chocolate bars I have in my closet and never buy another one again because this is becoming a trigger food.

Trigger food? This is becoming a Tigger food! I’m starting to jump on my tail and bounce around when I even see a dark chocolate bar. “WOO HOO HOOO” as Tigger would say. “WOO HOO HOOOOOOO!!!!”

I’m losing my mind. I need help. Someone call a chocolate doctor.

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