lesley crewe

author

Blockhead

on March 18, 2010

I’m stuck. I’ve got the first half of my sixth novel done, and I have a fabulous idea for number seven and have been conducting interviews for that one, but do you think I can write one friggin’ word?

I’ve been up and down in front of this laptop for the past three weeks, just opening the script, peering at it for a few minutes and wandering off to go watch The View. I HATE The View. So this is bad.

I’ve never really suffered from blockhead before. I mean there have been times when something isn’t working, so I mutter a lot and go for a walk and sleep on it and it usually resolves itself, but this is different. I know what has to happen in the sixth novel. The storyline is all worked out. I’m just not interested in doing it, which either means I don’t like this book and want to get cracking with number seven or I’m just lazy and….well, lazy.

And it’s not like I can talk to my “peeps” about it. My immediate circle of friends don’t like writing grocery lists, so they don’t understand my love affair with words. My writing friends all live WAY FAR from me. You can’t moan and bitch over the internet as well as you can sitting across from someone sipping herbal tea.

My problem is that I started the sixth book more than a year ago and had to put it down for some reason. Probably the screenplay business. So now I have to jump into this world again and it’s difficult. It’s like when you’re a kid and you go to camp and your bunk mates become your best friends for two weeks and you swear undying love to them, but when you run into them a year later, you can’t think of a word to say. It’s awkward. That’s how I feel about these characters. I really like them, but I’m not their buddy anymore.

Now the other problem could be that I’m in the mood to read, which is a wonderful thing, except when I’m supposed to be writing. I try and tell myself I’m only filling the well and this is a good thing, but as I’m reading, I’m secretly thinking, “This is really good. I wish I could write something this good, but I never will if I don’t put down this stupid book and get at my own!!”

So I just finished reading The Book of Negroes….fabulous! Am in the middle of reading Eat, Pray, Love and wondering how this woman can read my thoughts, and I just bought You Better Watch Out by Greg Malone, a guy I LOVE. I also still have to read Under This Unbroken Sky by Shandi Mitchell, but I have to get over the mouse being killed first.

You realize what I’m doing here, right? I’m wasting time. I’m writing, but I’m not writing. I’m sitting in front of this laptop pretending to be working on my novel, but instead I’m adding a new post to this new blog and for what? No one will read this and no one cares about my blockhead. I’ve just fired off five hundred words that could have filled a page of my novel but I didn’t. And do you know what’s going to happen if I never write again?

Nothing.

My hubby and kids will still love me. So will my cats. So will our new dog if we ever stop missing Harry long enough to get a new dog.

So I suppose I’m okay, as I sit here with my blocked sinuses and blocked arteries and blocked block head.

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7 responses to “Blockhead

  1. Mellita says:

    I read this and I care……about your blocked sinuses…blocked arteries and blockhead.
    I think you’re putting alot of pressure on yourself.
    You are awesome!!!! We all know it and you should too! Relax, watch The View (yuck), and cuddle with your fur babies it’ll happen I have confidence in you!!!

    Have a great night…and weekend!!
    Auf Wiedersehen, Mellita

  2. Rhonda - A New Fan says:

    Hi Leslie – I found your blog tonight through the Nimbus newsletter. I have two of your books on my bookshelf (along with about 100 others on my list to read – including To Kill a Mockingbird – which unbelievably I’ve never read although I’m 48).

    Your blogs make me laugh – and that’s a good thing as being 48 puts me in smack in the middle of mid-life crisis . I’m toughing it out through the pressures of life… you know… working full time in a constantly changing techological field, decorating my home, trying to turn Kraft dinner into a gourmet meal, aging parents, marriage, teenagers, wrinkles, age spots, thinning hair etc. etc. I totally relate to some of the comments in your writing… but you just put it all into perspective with your sense of humour!

    So… I guess what I’m trying to say is….. I love your blog! It really makes me want to run to my bookshelf, pull out your novels and read them right away. (well… as soon as I can find my bifocals) Then I’ll most likely run out to Chapters, buy your novels I don’t already have,
    +`so I can read those too.

    Keep on blogging!

    • lesleycrewe says:

      Rhonda…..were we separated at birth? Couldn’t be unless your mother was in labour for seven years.

      No doubt I will keep blogging just to annoy myself and others. It’s like writing in a diary except now the whole world has my key instead of just my little sister.

      Keep reading!

  3. Anne-Marie Hood says:

    Hi Lesley

    I agree, you did a marvelous job on this new blog. As a writer, I think you give wonderful food for thought; as a reader, it’s downright entertaining. Keep up the great work and best of luck with your sixth novel.

  4. lesleycrewe says:

    Thanks Anne-Marie! Looks like I’m going to need some luck to get myself motivated. Who wants to be indoors when the weather is so great? I’d take my laptop outside and write there but I don’t have a lap.

  5. Lisa says:

    I love reading your blog and well I think my friends are getting annoyed because I’m always telling them to read your books but I don’t know if they are listening. Might have something to do with my story of getting lost in a bookstore in Winnipeg looking for Ava Comes Home. It’s a funny story – as it was a stupid floor plan for a store.
    Oh and I’m suffering from writer’s block too. I blame it on schoolwork. I need another writing class or another CB vacation.

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